As guys, you have periods in your lives where you want to pimp it hardcore.
But in the end…
You realize that all you want is a serious and committed relationship.
You want a girl you can connect with deeply… and emotionally.
You want a girl that can go on an adventure with you after sex instead of wishing she’d leave.
Getting a girlfriend can seem harder than sending a man to moon.
Which is why today, I’ve saved you the trouble and went through the experience myself and will share with you how to get a girlfriend in 10 steps.
Alright, let’s get right into it.
10 Steps on How to Get a Girlfriend
- Know where the venues are.
- Work on sexual abundance.
- Know exactly what type of girl you want.
- Assume that she is already interested.
- Have empathy.
- Always move things forward.
- Low value behaviors vs high value behaviors.
- Have a life that reflects your values.
- Analyze yourself.
- Don’t beat yourself up.
1. Know where the venues are.
There are three ways you can meet women:
- Online dating
- Social circle game
- Cold approach
One of the biggest mistakes guys make when looking for a girlfriend is…
Limiting themselves to online dating and social circle.
I’m not saying one avenue is better than the other.
It’s good to have multiple tools in your belt…
If you have the choice, I would pick real-life opposed to online dating.
There are two reasons why you shouldn’t rely on online dating as your only method of meeting women:
- Fake profiles
- Competition with attractive guys
Let’s face it. Online dating is mainly about sex-appeal.
Sadly, it’s the truth.
But again, use as many resources you have.
Don’t use it as a crutch but rather a supplement to access more girls.
Here are my tips to get started:
- Create a good online profile
- Check out sites like Tinder, Match.com, OkCupid, etc…
- Take some time crafting together an interesting bio (it’s kind of like copywriting)
- Only check these apps after taking a shit or if you get a girl’s number in real life.
- Spend some time taking professional pictures. Selfies are too common.
One of the ways I got really good with my texting game, is by coming up with witty texts to send to girls on Tinder at 3AM.
Next up… one step above online dating is…
Social circle game
Social circle is how 90% of dating is done.
- You socialize with your friends, and your friends introduce you to their friends.
- You meet new friends, and eventually end up becoming “more than just friends”.
How do I form a social circle? You may be asking.
Well, first I’ll tell you how NOT to form a social circle.
You can’t form a social circle by staying at home. You need to go out and start meeting people.
My advice to you is to expand your male social circle first.
You want some diversity. Meet as many people as you can.
Meet some guys that you share commonalities with and that you can relate to.
Join meetup groups, interest clubs (if you’re in college).
Or even just make an effort to hang out with more distant acquaintances.
Once you establish a decent group with badass guys in it, you can start inviting girls in it.
But keep in mind one thing, you have to bring value to the table.
What does that mean?
Try out new things – you don’t know what you like until you like it.
Find things that seem interesting to you and purse it for example:
- Video editing
- Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
Having something you’re passionate about is key.
Something you can talk about endlessly while out with your group of friends.
Worst case scenario is you walk away with a new skill and a cool experience to talk about.
Best case scenario is you find a passion you never knew you had.
Best case scenario you have something to talk about while meeting others which increases your chances of creating a social circle.
You get one step closer to being content with who you are.
Women love a guy that has something going on with them.
Next up… my absolute favorite way to meet women.
A cold approach is where you approach a stranger, a girl you’ve never met before.
Most guys cold approach with the intention of having sex with the girl while some do it to find a serious relationship.
This is the best way to get good with women.
Here are some of my favorite spots to do cold approaches at:
- Shopping malls
- College Campuses
- Library/book store
Feel free to experiment around and figure out which one best fits you.
If you want to become elite at cold approach, it all starts with your hunger to master it.
You’ve got to want it more than anything.
You’ve got to be willing to do whatever it takes to master it.
Being good at cold approach is something that is never mastered.
There’s always new ways to innovate and gain an edge.
I highly suggest you surround yourself with the BEST guys and pick their brains.
You need to befriend them and interact with them as much as possible.
The guys that are getting results, after doing hundreds and thousands of cold approaches.
NOTE: In case you want a more in-depth article that explains more about venues check out: 10 Places Guys Can Meet Women Other Than Bars or Nightclubs
2. Work on Sexual Abundance
One of the most unattractive traits a man could have is neediness.
This usually happens when you come from a place of scarcity.
You have to come from abundance if you want to have a successful relationship.
You have to be “ok” if something fails with you and your partner because there are other girls you could reach out to.
You have to understand the importance of abundance.
You need to then work on your sexual abundance by going out and socializing more, and putting yourself out of your comfort zone.
Nothing is going to be easy.
It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. It’s the hard that makes it great.
Work on meeting women in as many places as possible.
Try to get as many numbers as you can.
3. Know exactly what type of girl you want.
What if I don’t know what type of girl I want because I’ve never had a girlfriend before?
It’s ok. Have a general idea for now.
You can even start making a list:
- I like girls that doesn’t care what others think of her
- I like girls that like to live a healthy lifestyle
- I like girls that enjoys cooking…
But in the meantime, meet more girls and have more positive experiences like I mentioned above.
You’ll start to realize if you like club girls more or if you like bookworms.
Bottomline is that you need to be certain of what types of girls you like.
Not only does it demonstrate higher value but it makes you appreciate them more once you meet them.
4. Assume that she is already interested.
It’s no secret that confidence is like heroine to women.
But… here is the problem that beginners make
- They aren’t able to read the “signs’ when she is interested
- They assume it’s rude to approach a girl in the middle of a busy street
Reframe things into your brain the next time you talk to a girl and think
Why wouldn’t she want to talk to me. I’m a cool guy that has a lot of value to give!
Whenever I’m talking to a girl, I assume that she wants my number.
I assume she wants to go on a date with me.
When I first started doing cold-approaches, I wasn’t always that confident.
I faked it until I “made it”.
Which was a little experiment I conducted, but it’s surprising that women respond well if you are decisive.
They love a guy who isn’t in need of their validation.
They love a guy who knows he’s “the shit”.
This is the difference that separates beta males from alpha males.
5. Have empathy.
Men tend to obsess over their need to get a girlfriend.
Because of this they demonstrate clinginess and needy behavior.
And ignore what the girl is communicating to them most of the time.
Empathy is being able to sense another persons emotions and allow it to effect yours.
When you go up to a girl and talk to her, if you see that she is a shy/reserved girl – you can be more empathetic and alter your own emotions and behavior to match her level.
Lets say you run up to a girl to approach her:
Me: Hey *tap tap on shoulder*
Girl: (Turns around with a tense/shocked look)
Me: Woah, I was not expecting you to react that way. I didn’t mean to scare you. You just looked adorable and I figured I’d say hi.
Girl: Oh, ha ha ha
Me: You look terrified, are you ok? I’m Leo.
Girl: (Relaxes a bit) Oh hey. I’m Elyse.
Whenever she tenses up, you immediately express empathy to calm her down.
Now I’m not saying to be someone you’re not.
You just need to be aware of how you’re emotionally affecting the other person.
This is important because you’re developing the roots of yourself before you branch out to find a girlfriend.
If you don’t have empathy, you will have a harder time interacting with girls.
You will have a even harder time finding a girlfriend.
6. Always move things forward.
One thing you have to realize is that women LOVE sex.
You have to escalate things forward. I mean physically escalate.
This is why guys get friend zoned in the first place.
They play it too safe.
Because they are afraid they might mess things up.
Where in reality you won’t because the girl will appreciate you for trying.
What does it communicate to a girl if you’re not sexually making advances on her?
That you’re a pussy.
Don’t be a pussy.
A girl is not going to magically realize you’re a sex-worthy man.
You have to move things forward.
7. Low value behaviors vs High value behaviors.
Your potential girlfriend has to see you as higher value than her.
You have to internalize the fact that any girl can be lost and replaced.
You can’t be putting her on a pedestal and acting like this man in the picture.
There are a SHIT ton of girls out there.
Remember, step #2 – sexual abundance.
Guys’ often say “I actually like this girl”…
That usually means they’ll lose the girl soon.
Too much investment in her and the girl will leave him.
Now, you’re probably wondering. What is a high value guy?
- A high value guy is a guy who can give away good emotions
- A high value guy is a guy who is REAL (nobody is real these days, majority of conversations in this world is pure manipulation)
- A high value guy has his own passions and isn’t afraid to share it with others
8. Have a life that reflects your values.
Don’t let any girl become your whole life
When you first met your girlfriend, you had your own life, she had hers.
Your girlfriend should NEVER be your entire life’s purpose.
Do not give up your life to focus on her.
You will seem desperate and come off as needy
It’s as simple as that folks.
9. Analyze yourself.
Do sales teams track how many sales they close?
Do other people playing skill games track success metrics?
Yes of course.
Maybe you are too needy.
Perhaps you are not going out enough and coming up with excuses…
Or, you suck at being sexual.
Diagnose yourself, and work on the parts you are doing worst on.
This part is crucial to your success in finding a girlfriend.
10. Don’t beat yourself up.
Aim for failure.
Your first approach to that cute girl you see on the street should fail.
Your first relationship should fail.
Failure is great. We learn from it.
It’s like learning how to do juggle for the first time.
You’ll drop the balls a few times, get pissed off, but eventually you get flowing.
But don’t worry, there’s good news.
You can pick the balls back up.
You can, continue to meet more girls and not “beat yourself up” over it.
Here’s a challenge I’ll leave you off with:
I challenge you to go out and talk to 3 strangers a day.
3 girls ideally.
Why 3 approaches you might ask?
It’s simple math.
The chances is at least 1 in 3.
1 out of those 3 girls you approach, could be your future wife, girlfriend…
That’s 7 new people a week.
Operate outside of your comfort zone and meet some new people.
Now go out there, and talk to some girls 🙂